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ISI Brotherhood Podcast
A podcast for growth-minded Christian businessmen who desire momentum and accountability in their business, family, finances, faith, and personal wellness. Each week, Aaron Walker, also known as Big A, shares authentically from decades of business ownership, marriage, and raising a family. He takes on listener questions and deep-dive into FORGE episodes with tried and tested co-hosts. Subscribe and visit our website https://www.isibrotherhood.com/podcast
ISI Brotherhood Podcast
108. How to Build an Abundant Life Through Human Connection with Derek Champagne
What if your distractions are sabotaging your closest relationships? Open your eyes to the hidden costs of the digital age with Derek Champagne, who joins us to discuss the urgent issue of loneliness and the power of meaningful human connections.
Derek brings a fresh perspective with engaging stories and powerful metaphors, challenging us to rethink our approach to abundance and sharing in our daily lives.
- What distractions are doing to our bodies and relationships
- Are you emotionally unavailable for your family?
- Why fixing isolation is a LEADERSHIP conversation
- How men of faith can strive for an abundant life
There is an alarming rise of loneliness especially among young adults, and its severe health implications are enough for us as leaders to bring human connection back. Listen in to hear how we can have a role in breaking isolation.
By prioritizing relationships and removing unnecessary interruptions, you can create a life filled with success and significance. Join us as we uncover the courage required to break free from the digital chains and craft a masterpiece of meaningful connections in your life.
Resources:
3 Amigos Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trMOanQQIJ8
Iron Sharpens Iron Community: https://isibrotherhood.com/community
LinkedIn Group: https://www.viewfromthetop.com/group
The ISI Newsletter: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/newsletter
Connect with Derek Champagne:
Derek's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theartistevolution/
If you want to hear more speakers like this every month and be with the guys on the call, join the Iron Sharpens Iron Community today: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/isi-community
Connect with Big A:
View From The Top Website: https://isibrotherhood.com
The ISI Newsletter: https://www.isibrotherhood.com/newsletter
Big A’s Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aaronwalkerviewfromthetop/
Hey everybody, welcome back to View From the Top podcast, where we help growth-minded men who desire momentum in their business, their family and their finances get through the valleys and up the mountain to their very own view from the top. Hey, today Aaron is off for this episode, but we are going to be sharing a recent roundtable talk from Derek Champagne on abundance and human connection keeping focus on what matters most and not being distracted. Hey, you all know that loneliness has quickly become an epidemic Technology, taking our eyes off of the target. As men of courage, we've got to put a spotlight on this. Hey, I've known Derek since 2016,.
Speaker 1:Man, and it's been a privilege to know him, learn from him through his vast experiences in business and raising his family and how he goes about building relationship. He just does a fantastic job sharing in this roundtable what God has been teaching him about connecting with others, with our teams, our customers, our wives, our children and he really leans in and challenges us. He shares personal stories that resonate with us and, man, he's really going to help motivate us to engage with other humans in our lives in a very meaningful way. He does share a quick video clip in the beginning that's really fun about the three amigos that we've linked in the show notes. And man, it's the scene where the three amigos are crossing the desert on horseback just dying of thirst, and two of them are struggling and one has an abundance of water, man, and he just wastes it. So, all right, let's get rolling. Derek, take it away.
Speaker 2:Today I'm talking about abundance, the human connection, and I was admin kept asking where my slideshows are. That's usually what I'm doing and I just I had like three versions and I was like I can't use a slideshow today. I want to look at the guys. We're talking about human connection, so I need to see reactions. So if you're on screen, that's helped me, that gives me energy. So, thank you. I shared this in the community. I shared a quick video, if any of you saw it, and I just said I really don't want to give this talk. And the reason I didn't want to give the talk by the way, I'm honored to be here and I'm excited to talk today I didn't want to talk about this particular topic, and the reason me and what's worse about it is I gave it in 2019 and I dusted it back off. I'm like, wow, this is relevant. I kept trying to put it back and it kept crawling back out on top of speeches. I pushed it back and it crawled back out again. I'm like, okay, this one we need to talk about, and so I'm going to start today. I'm going to actually read a few of the pre-questions that you gave you guys in the community, because I want you just to hear them for a second, because I think they're important to set the stage.
Speaker 2:Abundance through human connection. The first connection. The first question I ask is in what area of your life are you having trouble being present and with whom? For example, it could be your kids, your spouse, your aging parents, some employees, your neighbors. I got a neighbor like that who you're having trouble being present with. What is causing this distraction? Like what is fighting for your attention when you're with this person, like what makes it so hard to be present. I hear dads, often including an ISI, have a man. When I come home it's just so hard. It's hard to put on the dad hat, it's hard to switch gears. I have so much trouble being present because I have all these other things happening, other distractions. Third one, what we don't like to talk about how much does technology contribute to your distractions?
Speaker 2:I'm going to talk about some of those today and then, if you guys look back through the community, you'll see I shared my screen time, which I was embarrassed to do, but I did it. I shared my screen time of how much screen time I watched and I shared it with you guys. So go take a look at in the community. Later I'll retag some of it. That was a hard moment for me because it was higher than I thought, but it did improve and I'll share that with you. I'm going to share a video. I know no slideshow, but I got two videos to share today. So, oh, okay, it's okay to laugh.
Speaker 2:Lit bomb, lit bomb An an iconic scene, right what? My wife and I love comedy. We love going to comedy shows. One of my favorite things about comedy is that it's absurd most of the time. Right, you laugh because it's absurd.
Speaker 2:Who would possibly have a full canteen and have that abundance and just let it drop on the ground and waste instead of sharing it with somebody else? See where I'm going with this today. See, I will say that at any given time in our life, including today, we have run into all three of these kinds of people. Some of them are in this room right now. In fact, one of the three are in this room right now. All three.
Speaker 2:And the first one is the one who is just enough for themselves, right, that's Steve Martin. He's got just enough for survival, but not enough to share with anyone else. In fact, he might be looking around and he's kind of operating from the bottom of the Maslow's hierarchy pyramid. It's just survival, no abundance, can't even fathom sharing with somebody else because they don't have enough even for himself. And he's probably looking envious about the person that has more right. We envious about the person that has more right. We see that in our life quite often. The other person is Martin Short, who goes for just a sip of water, just enough for survival, and gets nothing but sand, like not even enough for sustenance, is looking at the others, almost hopeless.
Speaker 2:And we've got our third one. We've got Chevy Chase, who not only does have abundance, he's got abundance. He has a full canteen, and that's what we're going to reference today. How do you have a full canteen? And that's what we're going to reference today. How do you have a full canteen, right, abundance for human connection. He has a full canteen, but the absurd part about it is that he throws it on the ground and wastes while people are looking at him. What's even more absurd than that to me is that he has no self-awareness to even realize why people are looking to him, and so he offers them something that they don't need, that will not help them. Lit bomb they're dying in the desert. It's absurd, but we see those three kinds of people each day and so you know, I want you guys to be thinking as we talk through this is where are you at? And that's one of the questions we're going to talk through is where do you fit? And that's one of the purposes of ISI is so that when we need to borrow courage, when we need help and we have questions, we're in a tough situation, we can lean in to someone that has a full canteen we call a full cup here and they can help invest in us and vice versa. My challenge today is what if we're not aware of it? What if we're like Chevy Chase and we are not even aware that there's other others around us that need it and that we can offer it to, just oblivious to the needs around us? So we need human connection. It's not just something we want or crave, we need it for survival.
Speaker 2:The first man like we see evidence in the first chapter, the first book of the Bible, we see Adam. Adam needed a helper. It was not good for him to live alone. He was isolated, even with his presence, with God. He goes hey, I'm going to create you a helper. Adam needed it. If you go back to this, let's fast forward a little bit Now. Let's go to the caveman days. You go to the caveman days and there's you guys have heard of the hieroglyphics and all the writings on the cave walls. They're writing successes and warnings and celebrations and you can see all that communication happening, even before they had a language like we have to speak and communicate and encourage one another. So it's been happening for a long time. I heard this a while back, so it's not mine I'm going to say. Author unknown Said that every person has an invisible sign over their head that reads make me feel important.
Speaker 2:Every single person has a sign that says make me feel important. Even the guy that was cutting me off in traffic yesterday with a big jacked up truck while I'm trying to drive down the road and bring my kids to school and he's on my bumper and I can't switch lanes my kids to school and he's on my bumper and I can't switch lanes and my wife's saying slow down. I'm like I can, we'll speed up, move lanes. I can't. That person has a visible sign that says make me feel important. But every person you run into today, every single person has to make me feel important. Guys, I was thinking back of a memory that really stands out to me. It was a small moment, but it stands out to me really big. It was a small act of kindness In my early 20s.
Speaker 2:I just sold a business. I moved to California. My dad actually dropped me off at the airport hotel this was back before helicopter parents and I just sold the business. I had a little money in my pocket. Early 20s. I'm like I'm good, I'm going to conquer the world. And my dad gave me a hug. He said see you later, where are you going to live? I'm like I don't know yet. The back of my U-Haul and I was just ready to meet and the people that were supposed to meet me in LA. They didn't come out for several months and I started going through isolation.
Speaker 2:We talk about that word in ISI a lot. I have personally experienced it. Not only did I go through isolation, I started to separate myself from a lot of things. Some things from my past started coming up, some disappointments, some hurts from my childhood and I separated myself from my family. I separated myself from God and I just shut down and isolated. It was a scary, dark place to be. I've only shared that with a few people. I share that with brothers who I love, if I think it can be helpful and I started to have thoughts that were about harming myself. And then what was my value of being in this world? On the outside I looked like I was doing just great Money, healthy, in the music industry, on the outside and the inside, desolate, desolate and isolated.
Speaker 2:I remember one day I just as I was having these thoughts and it didn't thank God it didn't last very long, but it was a season and many of you have been there and or you have someone in your life who is going through that and you don't even know it because on the outside you can't tell that they're thirsty, that they need help. I remember going to this coffee shop one morning and this little old man this is before cell phones so he couldn't be distracted, which we'll talk about more in a minute this little old man saw me and he went back, the door shut on me. He went and he grabbed it and he held it open for me. You can still see his face, his giant ears, little hunched over man, probably 80s, and he said he looked me in the eye in the eyes, like looked at me, really looked at me. He said how are you doing today, young man? How are you? And it shook that one comment. This is 24 years ago, guys. I'm telling you about the time a man said hi to me.
Speaker 2:Those of you that know me well know that I don't take things for likely. I wouldn't just make up, I would just share a story that's insignificant. It was significant to me. That guy's long gone but he always looked at other people and said that's a human. They have an invisible sign over their head and I'm going to make sure that they feel important. Here comes a human being. I'm going to take a look at him. I still remember that to this day.
Speaker 2:Can you believe, believe it or not? Some of you think I'm socially outgoing. That's awkward. Having deep conversation and leaning in and checking on somebody. It does not come natural for me. By the grace of God, I'm learning, but it's not a natural thing for me. I tend to go towards isolation or I tend to look towards distractions, so I don't have to lean in as much. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes we find ourselves engaging less and less with our social disconnection connection. There's this connection, disconnection, happening right now with increase of technology, and technology is not the enemy, but replacing it for human connection is. We're using technology right now. It's a great ally for us to connect and bond and build deeper relationships.
Speaker 2:Some of you are going through a tornado watch. Maybe right now you're in tornado weather. I'm in tornado alley myself. Many of you can relate to that. If you're not, I'll give you a quick explanation. There's two kinds of heats that you need to have when the weather person tells you something there's a tornado watch and there's a tornado warning, and as a kid I didn't always know the difference. It's really important to know the difference. If the weatherman or your app tells you there's a tornado watch, it means conditions are right. So be alert. Be alert and watch your surroundings, because a rotation could form. Okay, I got that. Tornado warning means it has been spotted on the ground. Take cover immediately, right? You guys know that. Having that out in that area, find this inside of your house, take shelter now, prepare for a hundred mile an hour winds, you get the whole message right. My kids know, because the first time that they experienced a tornado warning they heard dad's voice for the first time. That just said Emily, eli, get in the basement now. And it was said in a way that my daughter's welled up in tears because she was like, oh, dad's protecting us right now and they rushed down the basement for safety.
Speaker 2:We had a tornado warning several months ago that took out a bunch of our town. It was devastating and they said the tornado spotted, tornado warning. We're at the point of 49 and Central Avenue. You know where my cross streets are 49 and Central Avenue? You know where my cross streets are 49 and Central Avenue? This is not a joke. This is not a practice drill. Kids, get in the basement now. We got in the basement. Water's pouring in the basement. It sounds like bowling balls hitting our house. Our neighbors are texting of the roofs being torn off and trees hitting, but we were safe because we took the one Guys. I know I'm a marketing guy, so this can seem dramatic. Derek's being a little dramatic for marketing.
Speaker 1:I'm not.
Speaker 2:I'm going to show you why. I'm telling you that. What I'm sharing with you today about the importance of abundance of human connection is I'm sharing a warning today. It is spotted on the ground. We have to take action. Humanity needs it. As men of faith, we need to heed this warning.
Speaker 2:I told you I didn't want to give this talk. I don't want to talk about this. We need to talk about it. Okay, there is all research points and there's going to be a positive ending, I promise. All research points to a growing, staggering increase in one area.
Speaker 2:Loneliness Breaks my heart because isolation leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression. Depression leads to hopelessness. Hopelessness is the opposite of humanity. It's a bad place to be. Loneliness New research.
Speaker 2:When I first gave this talk in 2019, I was floored by the research. It said that 25% of all people surveyed said they are lonely. They have no close friend or confidant outside their immediate family. That was in 2019. So I pulled out my notes a few weeks ago, a few months ago, getting ready for this. I'm like okay, it's 25%, and I think I have my video recording that said 25% that I put in the community. Guess what guys? 2019, we have 25% loneliness. Technology is increasing like this. The opportunity to have virtual relationships and virtual communication and substitutes increases like this. At the same time, the pandemic happens and creates isolation like this. It's a graph that goes straight up since 2019. In the past five years I said warning, right In the past five years, those surveyed.
Speaker 2:The conservative survey say it states over 40% of people say they are in extreme loneliness. The other surveys say over 50% describe themselves as feeling lonely and isolated. Just think about that. That's heartbreaking. As men of faith who are called to love God, love others and make disciples, what's our commandment? Go, love our neighbors, ourself. And here we see the skyrocketing loneliness and isolation. That's why we're doing what we're doing here is making sure we don't have that happen. And then we're leaders this conversation is for leaders at the highest level is we want to fix this? We can, and I'm gonna share a solution in a few minutes. We have the solution and we need to fix it. I'm committed to it. I think that's an opportunity as well. Right, if we see that there's a growing need, there's also a growing opportunity, like the harvest is plenty, the laborers are few. We're here. Well, here we are. We're the laborers. We're ready.
Speaker 2:You guys have heard the statistics. But those in the loneliness? The mortality impact is the same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Loneliness increases risk of cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety. In the elderly, this is called the hidden killer. But, guys, it's not just happening with the elderly.
Speaker 2:The statistic I told you about the over 50%, the highest number at risk is ages 18 to 22 years old. 18 to 22 year olds are the loneliest. That's our next generation. Those are the people I want to pass the torch to in the next few years. That's my, from a selfish standpoint, my investment. Those are our people. They're coming up behind us. Where's our mentorship? Where's our pulling people out of isolation? 18 to 22 years old the highest risk.
Speaker 2:Suicides are at an all-time high right now, because I have a friend, a kid, that I got to coach, one of my son's best friends. My son came back from a sleepover early. They drove him home and my son was weeping. I could barely get him to talk. He was weeping because his friend was trying to commit suicide and they've been talking about it for months. And this is a boy I coached. He was 12 years old and, by the grace of God, he made it and good men came alongside him and good leadership. But his mom had passed away the year before and his family was busy and they were all different ages and they didn't have time to focus on him and he just felt alone and isolated, right in our Christian school, in our Christian church, 12 years old, with all the tools. He's doing well, he well, he asleep over a few weeks ago and that boy is thriving. But just think how sad that is. We're seeing that everywhere, not just 18 to 22 guys. The reason I'm sharing this today is because it matters. Right, told you, hard conversation, hard topic, but I think it's too important to overlook. We're men of courage, we've got this, but we have to put a spotlight on. It's too important. It's too important for our next generation and for others, it's important for our children.
Speaker 2:Guys, an uncomfortable story for me, especially because my brother-in-law's on the call Joseph, I love you, but I've been married to his sister for 18 years and you know, over the last couple of years Kevin's heard the story, but last couple of years I've been doing great. I've been exercising every morning, I get up early. Haven't heard the story, but last couple of years I've been doing great. I've been exercising every morning. I get up early. That's awesome. But what happens is I go to bed early at night and my wife stays up for an extra 45 minutes.
Speaker 2:So instead of getting time together, it just kind of slipped away a little bit to where she's going to do stuff for the kids and I went going to my room putting these earbuds in. As recently as six weeks ago no-transcript she took me out for dinner last night. She goes hey, can I take you out for dinner? Awesome, it was a great, great date night. And she so sweetly and lovingly just said, hey, I. And just said hey, I want time with you at night. Can we watch a show together? And she didn't say she's lonely.
Speaker 2:But I realized that my choice of selfishness because I've earned it, because I'm trying to be healthy and I've worked hard all day and all these other things that justify it my choice for isolation was creating isolation for the person that I love most. Think about that. I've earned it. I just worked three jobs. Today I'm providing. I just spent time with the kids. We had dinner. Now I've earned it, now let me have my time. That choice became a two-year habit that isolated who I love most, didn't say I have this all figured out. Guys, I'm learning with you right now. We have a challenge.
Speaker 2:Those that spend more than two hours a day on social media are twice as likely to experience isolation and loneliness. Just guard your heart, guard your time. Guard your heart, guard your time. These are statistics. These are from research and neuroscience books, not just somebody who goes, oh, social media is bad for you. No, these are proven scientific books.
Speaker 2:We have an addiction. All of us do, most of us do. I do. I have an addiction when we're happy, we release particular neurochemicals, including oxytocin and serotonin, as well as dopamine, and we wait for an anticipation reward.
Speaker 2:You ever heard your phone go ding and you go check it? Ever felt your phone vibrate? You go check it. Ever felt your email go ding and you go let's take a look. You didn't have to do it. You were getting a reward a dopamine release into your body. How cool is that Like? That's actually pretty cool if you use it the right way.
Speaker 2:Problem is we check our phone 200 something times a day. One of the research studies said the most avid users touch or swipe their phone over 5,000 times a day. Conservative is 2,500. And that makes sense. You know, scrolling and typing, you're working on your phone. I get it 5,000 times a day. No wonder we're distracted.
Speaker 2:Back to the topic. How can we possibly have a canteen full of abundance to pour on others when we're so distracted? And distraction is the number one enemy to abundance and distraction is the number one enemy to having an intentional human connection. And we numb ourselves with distraction because it just feels better sometimes. It just does. It feels better sometimes to just check out. Guys, I've heard a bunch of men, including some at ISI, who say, man, I don't have time for a quiet time, or man, I'm having trouble getting XYZ done. And then they're going. I get lost on stories or social media. I'm like, okay, there's part of it, right, that might be funny. Humans are starving for me and the connection, guys.
Speaker 2:Dr David Fagenbaum. Dr David Fagenbaum, I got to interview him. He was a division one quarterback all-star at what he did and he contracted cancer. And he was. He went into the field that he went to because his mom had passed away of cancer. So he was about to be a doctor and he was read his rights six times, six times. Imagine being read your last rights six times. I just said hey, what does that feel like? And, by the way, they told him there's no cure. No one's been looking for a cure because fewer than 100 people in the world ever had it. So good luck. He said it felt lonely. I felt absolute loneliness, absolute loneliness. There's another cost of distractions. I'll go through just quickly.
Speaker 2:Neuroscience shows us that we have a limited resource. I think this is key. Like we have a limited resource for attention when we don't realize that we'll just give it away. Right, but you actually have a limited resource. So how do you have a full cup? Well, you're intentional about how you have it. How do you have a full canteen? You're intentional how you keep it.
Speaker 2:Every single time that we're making decisions, we are using a measurable amount of glucose, showing that office distractions eat up about 2.1 hours a day. That's how much productivity is lost in the average office per employee. People are changing tasks up to 20 times an hour. Isn't that crazy? 20 times an hour, and it takes about 25 minutes to get back to your original task, if you ever even get back there at all. So our brain was designed like a prefrontal cortex. It was designed to handle distractions. So to know that we have a limited supply, I think is important.
Speaker 2:And then to know that your brain was actually built for distraction. I think we do know how we're riding this horse right, like, if I'm going to ride this horse it's going to buck. I need to know how to tame it a little bit. Your brain needs that. It works really well for things like driving. You ever gotten in your car and like, oh, I'm going to run to the grocery store. You hop in your car and then you arrive at the grocery store. You don't remember anything in between. You might've been looking Speed up, you're probably playing a podcast, you might be singing, you're looking around. You're doing all those things at once. Your brain is amazing, by the way. Your Brain at Work by Dr David Rock your Brain at Work Great book has all these facts in it. You can nerd out on it and learn how your brain is capable.
Speaker 2:In the warning of distractions, dr David Rock says the challenge is we have not realized the true cost of distractions. They use up what turns out to be a limited supply of attention. So distractions make us far less effective, and I would say far less effective for impulse inhibition, for influence, for attention. It's far less effective for impulse, inhibition, for influence, for attention, for perspective, memory, for cognitive flexibility and, I would say, for compassion and for awareness. So we didn't know how to ride our horse, our lane, and what it's going to do. As men of faith, we know that. Well, hebrews tells us that human beings are created in the image of God. Imago Dei, latin for image of God.
Speaker 2:I just think back to the simplest command. I think we overcomplicate things sometimes. I'm not saying it's easy, like I have to walk around in this flesh every day and this is daily submission. But our instructions aren't complicated, we complicate them. They're pretty simple. What are we supposed to do? Love God, love others, make disciples, love your neighbors yourself, okay, but what else? No, give me something easier. Love God, love others, make disciples, love your neighbors yourself. I can't do that right. That's what we're called to do. Like it's pretty straightforward, it's not too difficult, except that we've got this brain and we've got our distractions. I'll play the next video for you guys 122 friends, yet I'm lonely.
Speaker 3:I speak to all of them every day, yet none of them really know me. The problem I have sits in the spaces between looking into their eyes or at a name on a screen. I took a step back and opened my eyes. I looked around and realised that this media we call social is anything. But when we open our computers and it's our doors, we shut All this technology we have. It's just an illusion Community companionship, a sense of inclusion. Yet when you step away from this device of delusion, you awaken to see a world of confusion, a world where we're slaves to the technology we mastered, where information gets sold by some rich, greedy bastard. A world of self-interest, self-image, self-promotion, where we all share our best bits but leave out the emotion. We're at our most happy with an experience we share. But is it the same if no one is there? Be there for your friends and they'll be there too, but no one will be if a group message will do. We edit and exaggerate, crave adulation. We pretend not to notice the social isolation. We put our words into order until our lives are glistening. We don't even know if anyone is listening.
Speaker 3:Being alone isn't a problem. Let me just emphasize. If you read a book, paint a picture or do some exercise, you're being productive and present, not reserved and recluse. You're being awake and attentive and putting your time to good use. So when you're in public and you start to feel alone, put your hands behind your head, step away from the phone. You don't need to stare at your menu or at your contact list. Just talk to one another. Learn to coexist. I can't stand to hear the silence of a busy commuter train when no one wants to talk through the fear of looking insane. We're becoming unsocial. It no longer satisfies to engage with one another and look into someone's eyes. We're surrounded by children who, since they were born, have watched us living like robots and think it's the norm. It's not very likely you'll make world's greatest dad if you can't entertain a child without using an ipad.
Speaker 3:When I was a child, I'd never be home, be out with my friends on our bikes. We would roam, I'd wear holes in my trainers and graze up my knees. We'd build our own clubhouse high up in the trees. Now the park's so quiet it gives me a chill. See no children outside and the swings hanging still. There's no skipping, no hopscotch, no church and no steeple. We're a generation of idiots, smartphones and dumb people. So look up from your phone, shut down splay, take in your surroundings, make the most of today.
Speaker 3:Just one real connection is all it can take to show you the difference that being there can make. Be there in the moment that she gives you the look that you remember forever, as when love overtook. The time she first hold your hand or first kiss your lips. The time you first disagree but still love her to bits. The time you don't have to tell hundreds of what you've just done because you want to share this moment with just this one. The time you sell your computer to tell hundreds of what you've just done because you want to share this moment with just this one. The time you'll sell your computer so you can buy a ring for the girl of your dreams, who is now the real thing.
Speaker 3:The time you want to start a family. And the moment when you first hold your little girl and get to fall in love again. The time she keeps you up at night and all you want is rest. And the time you wipe away the tears as your baby flees the nest. The time your baby girl returns with a boy for you to hold, and the time he calls you granddad and makes you feel real old. The time you take in all you've made just by giving life attention, and how you're glad you didn't waste it by looking down at some invention. The time you hold your wife's hand, sit down beside her bed. You tell her that you love her, lay a kiss upon her head. She then whispers to you quietly, as a heart gives a final beat, that she's lucky she got stopped by a lost boy in the street.
Speaker 3:But none of these times ever happened. You never had any of this. When you're too busy looking down, you don't see the chances you miss. So look up from your phone, shut down those displays. We have a finite existence, a set number of days. Don't waste your life getting caught in the net, as when the end comes, nothing's worse than regret. I am guilty too of being part of this machine, this digital world. We are heard but not seen. Where we type as we talk and we read as we chat, where we spend hours together without making eye contact. So don't give in to a life where you follow the hype. Give people your love. Don't give them your Disconnect from the need to be heard and defined. Go out into the world, leave distractions behind. Look up from your phone, shut down that display. Stop watching this video.
Speaker 2:Live life, the real way that video gets me every time, guys, hopefully you could hear. Okay, look up, as I was thinking of a a few years ago I was first given this talk and, uh, my son he was eight, so he's younger, he's 13 now and he built. But I can never forget this image because I was a lot more addicted to my technology back then and I was leaving town to go speak for an event. I had really had nothing to do, nothing going on that day. I didn't need my phone. My son had built this elaborate display on the ground. He took all his blocks, his dinosaurs, his GI Joes you know what some people would call making a mess and he was calling making a creative empire and he built the living room up into something that he couldn't wait to show dad Like he was excited. And I came home and he went Dad, go see what I built. And he was just he talks fast, like me and he showed me everything. He's jumping up and down. And I said, son, I will be right there, and I was excited because I'm leaving town. I, son, I will be right there and I was excited because I'm leaving town, I want to hang out with my buddy. And my phone did a ding and I just thought I'll go check it. Be right there, son. And then it dinged again and I said I'll just check this real quick and I checked something else.
Speaker 2:I got to Anaheim, california, in the lobby and I realized I had never gone back. I'm a good dad, I'm a very present dad, but in that moment I think about what my son did. I didn't go back. He couldn't possibly compete with the dopamine rush I was getting by checking something I had no need to check. I'm not a doctor. I wasn't saving lives. I was home to be with him, never went back. It happened a few times and I could see something with my son where when he would come to ask me something, if I looked busy he would just walk away and if I had my phone in my hand he would step back Again. I coach my son's basketball. We're recording right now. I'm a good father, but there was a season where that was too much and my son would follow me into the room if I forgot my phone and say Dad, you left your phone in the other room. Son, it's a Sunday morning, I don't need my phone from the living room to the bedroom or from the living room to the kitchen, but he thought I needed it.
Speaker 2:Guys, I want to, as we close right now, I just want you to kind of bring up front and center some of those people in your life that you love. Just be thinking about the people in your environment. I call them our stakeholders, right? My family, my employees, my neighbors, my community.
Speaker 2:As I think about that lookup video, just thinking how unfortunate it is for the person who needs my attention, who needs the full cup from me and I. How unfortunate it is for the person who needs my attention, who needs the full cup for me, and I just cannot be bothered to look up. They've got that invisible sign over the head that says make me feel important. I'm too important to make you feel important. That's what I'm saying. I'm too self-absorbed to make you feel important. How unfortunate for my 22-year-old self in California if that old man hadn't just taken a second to say hey. How are you doing year old self in California if that old man hadn't just taken a second to say hey? How are you doing? How are you doing? How unfortunate for our wives or our kids or our aging parents health, the clients if we're too busy to go see them.
Speaker 2:Some are hard to love, I know. Some are hard to be around. How unfortunate if we can't. What if we are their answer to prayer, their answer out of isolation? What if we're one of the catalysts? What if we're just one of the steps out of isolation for them? What if we're all intentional that way?
Speaker 2:Guys, this isn't a room of humans who back away from a challenge. So here's all the good news. I got a little scratch in my throat for a few of these few parts of this, but the good news is we have a cure. Okay, and this if I was gonna put a situation room together, it'd be you guys. Here's our situation room.
Speaker 2:Okay, david Rock, dr David Rock, the Neuro Institute for Brains in New York. What does he say? We gotta do? It's easy courage. I was like wait, that's your answer. I have to have courage. Okay, well, that's not a formula. He said it takes courage, it's the only way to fix it. Like we have a problem, and the only way to fix this addiction and distraction is courage. Number one he says remove temptation. Like you've got to remove it right away. I know guys who are taking whatever that distraction is. Guys. For some of you it's pornography. For some of you it's social media. For some of you it's a combination of both. Whatever that distraction is, you've got to have the courage to remove it. If you don't have the courage on your own to remove it and you have a problem right now you need to borrow courage.
Speaker 2:I was at an event. Kevin and I both had a day where we called our wives to borrow courage. Hopefully, it's okay that I say that, kevin, I went to an event. I knew I was there and I went outside and called my wife. I'm like why am I even here? She goes you got this big guy. Go back in there. You're great. You got this and you know what I did and it was great. I borrowed courage. We're here to loan courage to one another. That's part of what the full canteen is If you need courage and help with this. That's why we have accountability.
Speaker 2:Now, timing is of the essence. If you recognize a distraction, you need to walk away from it. And then, guys, I want you to think about this as far as us taking care of ourselves first, and I think of the airplane analogy you cannot fly into the air without a flight attendant telling you this exact thing or version of this. They will say that if there's a change in cabin pressure, oxygen will drop from the ceiling. And you need to put that on your face first, so that you are good, and then you need to put it on others. And so you need to make sure that you are good before, and then you need to put it on others, and so you need to make sure that you are good before we can help others. That's the first step. Like I need to be good, I've got to be good so I can help other people get me good, or I can't help others the same way.
Speaker 2:Guys, we need the full armor of God, and you don't put the full armor of God on in the middle of battle. That's why I strongly recommend a morning time prayer and devotion, like set the day right. I have to do it because I'm a knucklehead, guys. I have a pop-up on my phone and this is not an attaboy. I have a pop-up on my phone at 6 am every morning because I will forget. That says and there's technology that says how will I love God, love others and make disciples today? Please show me the work that you are already doing. I need that message seven days a week and I'm telling you, sometimes by 6 am I've already derailed. I'm like, oh yeah, that's right. Oh man, I need that reminder. I needed that reminder.
Speaker 2:Replace your screen time with building human connections. I'm going to encourage you guys to do a test After this go check your screen time, see what your average screen time is. And will I use it for work? Yeah, so do I. So I want to encourage you to dig a little bit and dig and go great, what am I putting my time to? That I don't even realize, and see if there's anywhere you can remove time. I found seven hours a week, guys, seven hours a week for intentional human connection. That's hundreds of hours a year I can put into being more intentional with my family, with my neighbors and with looking up to others with a full cup. Put restrictions on your phone. You can just simply on your phone, put restrictions, take the app off or say give me 10 minutes a day, give me 15 minutes, and when it pops up and you're going to be surprised how fast it pops up, let that be your warning. Oh wow, I'm consuming more than I thought. Do I need to do this? Almost closing, guys.
Speaker 2:John DeJulius he wrote a book called the Relationship Economy. I strongly recommend it for business. It's great for customer experience and for building good relationships. He said he has a rule that you always need to know the FORD, f-o-r-d of every person that you interact with If you have a few minutes with them. He says you should positively engage with at least five people a day. He does it every day. Five people and the Ford is their family, occupation, recreational and dreams Family, occupational, recreational and dreams. You know those things. It's going to open up a conversation where you can share the gospel with them too. David Ask will probably remember this.
Speaker 2:I was practicing Ford one time and I got a deep conversation with the Uber driver in Nashville and we missed our exit. I mean me and he. I think we talked for like 45 minutes. We pulled over and just started chatting me in the back of the car and I'm doing my Ford on him. We're sharing our testimonies, we're talking about starting businesses and I'm like oh yeah, I'm supposed to be at this ISI event. I pull in, I get out of the car and I'm like see you later, buddy, give him a hug. David's like is that your friend? I'm like that's my Uber driver David runs back over, gets his name. I think you guys went to lunch a couple of times, right, david? Yeah, look at that An Uber driver that we didn't know Never met him before.
Speaker 2:And so look at the opportunities you have to build relationships just by knowing the forward and caring. Look up, put your phone down. You want to seem like a lunatic? There's a test for you guys. If you're on your phone all the time, you want to seem like a lunatic lunatic. Go in a public place and don't have your phone out. Go sit in the doctor's office. I tried that the other day. I sat in the doctor's, my phone down. I'm just looking around, smiling, seeing who I can make a forward with, and people looking at me like, closing their coats and moving the other direction. They thought I was crazy because I wanted human connection. That's crazy now. Can you imagine that that's actually considered crazy now? But it's because people aren't comfortable with it, not exposed to it enough, and so we have a chance with a full cup, dr Fagenbaum.
Speaker 2:Here's what Dr Fagenbaum did, remember I said he has read his last rites six times. He realized that if there was going to be a cure, with his last breaths he said I'm going to figure out. Imagine having the weight of the world on you. No one's looked for a cure, no one is going to, and you realize it's up to you to find it. Guys, he lives in remission.
Speaker 2:Now I got to interview him. He lives in remission, he has a wife, he has kids. He found some experimental drugs that saved his life. And I said what is life like for you? He said I don't do anything. Most people do. I don't waste time on social media. I don't. I don't do. I just focus on people and I focus on my mission and my and the vision that I have for my life. And he's a good Christian guy.
Speaker 2:Now he said I am living in overtime. He said, derek, when you play in overtime, remember division one athlete and last right six times. He said every single day that I live, I'm in overtime, I'm in my fourth. When I met him he was in his fourth overtime. He said I'm in overtime number four right now. And when you're living in overtime you play differently than when you think you're in the regular game. We are living in overtime. What if we could live like we're in overtime? What if we found the cure? We have it Will we share it. May we live out each day in each relationship like we're in overtime.
Speaker 2:In closing, john DeJulius, who I mentioned in Relationship Economy. He has a pop-up on his phone that he has every day. He gave me the idea and his says act as if today is the day that you will be remembered for how you treat others. Act as if today is the day that you will be remembered for how you treat others. So, guys, I wanna encourage you to look up and to look up. Look up to our Heavenly Father for our strength and for our motivation. Like how do I love others? How do I love others if I have trouble focusing?
Speaker 2:Well, a prayer that I pray often because I'm not naturally gifted, is I say, father, please help me to love others like you do, because you say that if we seek you, you'll give us the desires of your heart, and can, my desire to have a heart like yours. If so, then that's a guaranteed win. Right, delight in the Lord. He will give you the desires of your heart. Okay, my delight is to have a heart like yours. Okay, here's your desire, guaranteed win. If we look up to the Father, we're guaranteed to win in this life and we're guaranteed to have an overflow of love to care about what he cares about, which we know what it is, and then we can look up and share love with others. Thanks for the time, guys. I appreciate you letting me share today.
Speaker 1:Wow, man, I'm not sure about you, but that was sure convicting for me. What a dopamine rush am I allowing to interrupt or disrupt the relationships that matter most in my life? Man, I wonder if we're honest with ourselves, how are we really doing with prioritizing what matters most to you in relationship with your wife, maybe your son, your daughter, your parent, your brother, your partner, your employees? And we've got to be honest with ourselves, guys, what distraction do we need to remove, to eradicate right now? And, as Derek said, who do we need to borrow courage from?
Speaker 1:Well, as we close this episode out, if this message from Derek resonated with you, there are more roundtable events like this each and every month inside the ISI community. What you didn't get on this episode today was the Q&A with Derek, as well as the mastermind breakouts and small groups that we did after Derek presented. And you can only get that by being part of these virtual roundtable events each and every month. If you want to find success and significance, if you want to hang out and be around guys like Derek, if you want to go further together, go, guys like Derek. If you want to go further together, go to isibrotherhoodcom to learn more. We'll go make this week a masterpiece, guys, and we'll see you next week.