ISI Brotherhood Podcast

135. The Mentee’s Posture: How Humility Unlocks Growth: Part 2.

• Aaron Walker • Season 2 • Episode 20

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You can feel the difference when someone knows your life well enough to catch your tone on the first hello. That’s the power running through this conversation with Bret Barnhart—twelve years of weekly mentorship that turned business growth into something deeper: a resilient marriage, a healthier relationship with his dad, and a family vision his kids help shape.

We dig into why long-term coaching beats quick fixes, how context compounds advice, and what happens when a leader drifts into “good enough.” Bret breaks down the danger of maintenance mode and how accountability pulls him back into his creator–developer strengths without sacrificing family. We get practical too: quarterly spouse surveys, “What Do I Want” check-ins, and a family map where everyone pins bucket-list trips. These small, steady habits keep alignment alive and make decisions easier when life gets loud.

The most moving arc tracks Bret’s father story—how pride and distance gave way to repair through persistent, uncomfortable questions. That healing didn’t just mend a relationship; it lowered stress, sharpened leadership, and removed a quiet cap on growth. We also look forward: testing a month-long sabbatical to prove the team can run, designing the next decade with health in mind, and preparing for the complex choices of raising teenagers into adults. The thread tying it all together is simple and demanding: growth loves accountability, and isolation kills excellence.

If you’re ready to trade hacks for honest change, join us. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a review with one area where you want accountability.

*Listen to Part 1 here.


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SPEAKER_00:

Discover the brotherhood that sharpens you. The ISI community is free for 30 days. Join now at isibrotherhood.com forward slash community. Welcome back to the ISI Brotherhood Podcast. Today we're diving into part two of my conversation with my good friend Brett Barnhart, the owner of Barnhart Excavating in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He's a man that I've had the privilege of mentoring every single week now for the past 12 years. But listen, if you missed part one, I want you to go back and catch it first. In that episode, Brett shared the powerful story of why he first sought out a mentor and the challenges he was facing as a business owner and how that decision has transformed not only his business, but also his family life. And today in part two, we're going even deeper. We're going to talk about why Brett has stayed committed to mentorship for over a decade and how he's uh really using this to carry him forward in the toughest parts of his life and some of the breaking points that he's experienced. And we want to see what's next in his life in the future so that we can help encourage him to lead a life of success and significance. So let's jump back in today and hear the rest of Brett's story. Brett, welcome to the podcast, buddy. How's it going?

SPEAKER_01:

Good, good, glad to be back. Last week was great.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, man, I'm so glad. So glad that we're able to carry on and carry forward. But uh, man, you've done such a great job with your family. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished in your business and in your personal relationships and how you've grown spiritually in every area of your life. I encourage the listeners to go back and listen to part one and let's dive in today. And my first question today is why have you stayed with this so long? I mean, most people work with a coach for a season, but you've stayed with this relationship for every single week for a dozen years now. And why do you continue investing that time and money year after year? And what makes it so valuable and relevant for you?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, I would say there's so much power in somebody knowing everything about your life. When I get on when I when when when we get on a call, you've said this before. You just understand the tone. You can tell when I'm very frustrated.

SPEAKER_00:

I know the minute you answer, the minute you get on the phone, I'm a uh oh. It's gonna be a long coaching call.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and and you know, I I've I've talked to a lot of young guys, and and I think a lot of people give up. They, you know, he he was big into baseball, and I used it like this. I said, You're gonna play seven innings and quit? If you quit, you forfeit the game. Right. And I look at my life like that, and I don't know, let's call it third quarter of my life. Well, I gotta play the fourth quarter too, right? And I think a lot of these guys do this and then they're like, Well, that's good enough. I got it to a good place. Like, let's get back on cruise, and then something will happen in my life. I'll deal with something. I need somebody. There's like it's a constant change, whether it's church is changing, so spiritual life, continuing in my relationship with God, uh marriage changes. Crystal and I change. We've been we've been married 20 years, right? So that's changing, different things. Our kids are aging, so life is changing. And I mean, just recently, me explaining some things that it's going on with my kids, and and I think this is bad, and you're like, eh, it's not bad yet. Get ready, it's gonna get harder. It's coming. Yeah, and I don't know, there's just so much power in getting on the phone, dealing with things, having somebody that's been through life with me to truly understand it. And honestly, if I it just let's just say I went and got a different mentor, it would take me a year to two years before that person fully understood who I was, what I've been through.

SPEAKER_00:

They wouldn't have context in your life.

SPEAKER_01:

They wouldn't. And and and giving up now is like giving up and forfeiting the game.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, you said something that was very mature, and we've never talked about this, and we didn't even talk about it pre-recording. That you said to me, and I'll never forget it, because at the end of the first year, because I had asked for a year commitment and you agreed to it. And at the end of the year, I didn't know if you were gonna continue on or not. And I said, if you'd like to continue, I'm happy to go another year. And you said, another year. And I said, Yeah. And you said, I put you on the payroll. And I said, What? And you said, you're always gonna be 25 years my senior. And that really resonated with me. That was such a mature comment at such a young age that you had said, and you were forecasting your future. And it's like, no, I haven't got it all figured out. We've been a year and I've had some major accomplishments, but there's always gonna be challenges ahead of me. And here we are, 12 consecutive, you know, renewals annually, and you still are feeling, no, I'm I'm still 42, you're 65, right? Like I still, I still got things to learn along the way. And I think one of the cool things is that I don't have every answer, and I don't pretend to have every answer. And some of the things that I share with you oftentimes, it's like that's worked for me. It may or may not work for you. And I preface most everything with that. And Robin and I have been able to celebrate 45 years of marriage. You and Crystal have been 20 years now. So there's little things that happen. I know the comment that you're referring to is two weeks ago, one of your children was dealing with a tough situation. And I remember thinking during that call, uh, it seems heavy currently, but the things that are coming, you know, that are going to be exponentially greater than that, that we're gonna need to work through, the things that are really life-changing for your children. Today you've got your thumb on them, you're making their decisions, the things that, but but there's gonna be a point in time where they're gonna be a little bit older and daddy's not gonna be around, mama's not gonna be around. And it could be life-changing for them. And those things need to have a lot of preparation, a lot of discussion, bathed in prayer, really thought through earnestly. And by knowing your children since they've been born, knowing their tendencies, knowing their personalities, it helps that relationship. So, not trying to make myself a job from now on, but the truth is, is it's really going to help us as we make tougher decisions. But it's not just with your family, it's with your business because I know your kryptonite, I know your blind spots, I know your superpowers, uh, I know your vision, I know your desire, I know Crystal, and I know what is important to her, and I know your two children and what is important to them. And so the framework that it helps you to be more successful, it just exponentially uh adds greater value to that relationship. And that's why I encourage people that are listening to this right now. You need to get somebody that can walk the journey for with you. If you can't afford somebody, then go to your church and seek after an older gentleman or an older lady uh that says, Hey, I like where you're at. I like the way you think, I like the way that you talk, I like the the progress that you've had. Would you consider being my mentor?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And, you know, people professionally can do it and pay for those services, and that served you well. You've been in a position that you've been able to do that. And so, what other areas of your life do you feel like that no, it's worth the investment to me because I want to say this before we jump into that.

SPEAKER_01:

You just brought up finding a mentor. I think, too, for me, and there's other guys out that are probably listening to this that's been mentored. Now, I've always said be the mentor that you wish you had. Right. And I had a guy sitting, young kid sent in my office yesterday. I say young kid, he's 20 years younger than me. And walking that journey with him. I don't I don't coach him every day. I don't coach him every week, but he wanted time with me, and I told him to read a book. And and uh don't miss the opportunity of what you've got in your life. And it would be wrong for me not to share what I've got in my life with other guys, right?

SPEAKER_00:

You do that with a number of guys. Uh you're being modest here, but you do that with a number of guys in Oklahoma. You meet them for coffee, you meet them for breakfast, you give them your time, you encourage them, you challenge them, you ask them about different vices in their life and how that's gonna affect them. I mean, you're ultimately coaching a number of people there in Tulsa now.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just don't miss that. There's guys out there that are hungry. And it's easy for us to set back as we age and be like, well, I mean, it's gonna be a rough place with these kids. Well, maybe we pour into them. Maybe we change, right? That's a generational change that can change the whole lifestyle for them. So pour into them. Back to your question, like other areas uh over time. Um I think one thing that that I think now today, after 12 years of it, is it's easy to set back and get in a good place that ends up leading into a bad place. And here even recently, you and I have been talking a lot about okay, well, things are running pretty good now. Been in business 20 plus years. Like, are we just gonna live uh like are we gonna leave it? We're gonna push for the next thing, what are we gonna do next? And the funny thing is when I get bored, uh I I can tend to make some bad decisions and and what I mean by that is you know, I start looking for things to fix, I find broken things in the business, and stretching my thoughts to building more of a legacy in my life than just build a business. So, what other things are we gonna do and start walking these things out? Um it helps you because you've understood the history, you're seeing where this business is at. Sometimes we'll jump on a call with guys that work inside of this business, so you get to kind of see things and pushing me even more out of this comfort zone into that next thing. Not to the point that it sacrifices family time or things like that, but you understand my personality. You say this a lot. You're you're a creator developer. And the funny thing is when I get into that maintaining lifestyle within my business, things, frustrations, and I start doing different things that I shouldn't be dealing with. And it's like we got to get you in this creator developer and pushing and and moving on. Even in our recent call, you even brought up, well, you know, we have a family vision. Is that in the family vision? Maybe you need to go and write that and update that family vision for what that really looks like over the next couple years, and then setting those goals and making a commitment to you and you continuing to ask me. And I know if I don't hit that, I'm gonna let you down. And you're gonna ask me about it. And you may not hit it perfectly, but I'm continuing to strive for that and I'm getting an ask about that. When I continue to write things in that progress report, it's like, well, when are we gonna get this done? Either it needs to be removed, because it really don't matter, or you need to get it done. Like I want to see that again next week, right?

SPEAKER_00:

So Hey, I'm Aaron Walker, founder of Iron Sharpens Iron. Every successful man needs a band of brothers to push him to grow spiritually, personally, and professionally. Each week I meet with like-minded Christian business owners in our mastermind groups. We share wisdom, tackle challenges, and we hold each other accountable to grow, not just in business, but in life. Don't do life or business alone. Join the brotherhood that will challenge, encourage, and sharpen you. Visit isibrotherhood.com and take the first step today. You know, one of the cool things, I came home from my last visit, uh just I don't remember, I was about six weeks ago or so. I was out visiting with you, hanging out. And I came home and told Robin, I haven't told you about this, but I told Robin about it when you had built a new home on the property you bought. You bought your family farm and uh you built a new home up on top of the hills. Beautiful, by the way. So congratulations on doing that. But in the hallway on the way to your bedroom, uh there's there's a US map. And uh on that map, each child and you and Crystal have placed a pin for bucket list places to go. And I thought that was so cool because you're inviting your kids to be a part of the vision. And then y'all write your vision story and you sit down with your children and go, okay, what's important to you? Where do you want to go? What's on your bucket list? What are the things that you want to accomplish? So not only are you and Crystal doing that individually, you're incorporating your children. And uh they're 11 and 13 now, I believe. And so they have a big part in the vision that you've been able to put together for your family. We we have another document here called the Spouse Survey and the What Do I Want document. And you and Crystal uh quarterly print that off and you go on a date night or you'll go somewhere for the weekend and you'll go over and you'll review your vision and you're reviewing the document, what do I want, so that you're sure you're in alignment with Crystal and what she wants for the family and what you want for the family. So nobody gets left out. And I just think it's so cool at how you're opening up these tools and the coaching and the mentoring to your family. So now you're just transitioning into coaching your wife and coaching your children and getting them involved in this journey of mentorship. And so for me, it's been really, really cool. Let me ask you a couple of questions. Is there ever been a point, though, for those that you're talking to today? Is there ever been, well, before we do, I want to I want to digress. I want to go back. There's one story I do want to talk about in regards to it, took us a long time to work through this, and hopefully you don't mind sharing this. There was a relationship that was strained with your dad.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh early in our discussions. And get into as much detail as you want, but I want you to tell that story because a lot of entrepreneurs listening to this story today have father wounds, and it's holding them back. And so let's revisit that story just for a moment.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. So great relationship with my dad, skip school field trips, go to work with him. Best friend, best man in my wedding, get out of school, start my business, and uh just kind of went off the edges in arguing, you know, not getting along. I'm going one direction, he's going one direction. We didn't compete. Um I pretty much had my own customers, even though he was in the same business. So it really wasn't anything like that. It's just I'm going this direction, he's going that direction. And um it was rough. Um when we started coaching, um I mean, I I got an incredible dad. I want to make sure he's a great man.

SPEAKER_00:

He is, he's a great man. I love you.

SPEAKER_01:

And a lot of these things were me, and I had to come to the reality with those things. There again, expecting your people to be somebody that they're never gonna be, right? So I think sometimes we elevate our parents, our dads, we're talking about dads, and uh they're doing the best they can with what they had and how dad did a great job with you too. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, incredible. And I mean, I don't know, you've always said what what what what did people think when your name pops up on the phone? And I would ask you today, uh when your dad's name pops up on your phone, what do you think? Do you want to answer it? Do you do you ignore it? And even in all that, our core values are no regrets, straightforward communication, generational excellence, financial stability, and straightforward communication, no excuses, and and you said um one day you're gonna bury him and you can't go back, and you're probably gonna have some regrets. I'm being very straightforward with you. Um you need to figure out how to deal with this and you need to work through this because you need to have a relationship with your dad. It was even hard uh in that relationship with my dad because like I think he felt somewhat like hiring a mentor was replacing him, and it wasn't. It was getting somebody that wasn't making anything off the PL statement, and he had no skin in the game. He's gonna tell me hard truths. Uh he's not gonna take my side. You care about me, but you care more about the decisions I'm making in my life, right? And uh we just kept walking through it, walking through it. That took many years, many, many years. You would ask me consistently where I was at in that. And I still remember as we walked through that and learning how to deal with those things, and my dad's not like me. I'm not like him. And um, I did a men's breakfast and spoke at it and spoke about accountability in your life. And my dad was sitting in the audience, and I brought up the fact that my mentor asked me week in and week out for a long time. Every week, you asked me where I was at with that, and I said, I'm I can say that because of this, I now have that relationship because I was getting asked, and I don't know where that would be today. We have a great relationship. Um, talk to him every day, every other day. See him all the time. They have a coffee shop next door to our office. So um he's changed today, I've changed today. Um I think back then I was trying to make my own way and I didn't need anybody. The funny thing is, the greatest thing he did for me, he'd take me and drop me off at jobs when I was 14. So I had to learn to go on my own. And I think I took that, that was a great thing he did for me. But then when he tried to just to start giving me his opinion, then it's like, well, I gotta prove him wrong. I'm my own man, right? And just challenge and buck up and like let's go. And although it was incredible what he taught me to go and do these things, I turned it and went the wrong direction with it. So um, I think too, even even back to uh last week's interview, some of the anger when that got restored. Like I I I don't have high blood pressure now, I'm not on medication or anything. I think there's so many things and fixing and repairing and and having that relationship with your dad. Um it fixes a lot of areas in your life that you and you gotta deal with it and you gotta learn to let a lot of things go. Um and just move on, and they're not perfect. He's never gonna be perfect. I'm not perfect. I told my son was, but I'm I'm trying the best I can with what I know, and I'm gonna fail you, I promise you. But I'm gonna try hard, right?

SPEAKER_00:

So you know, a really proud moment for me was being at your 20-year anniversary of your business, and your dad got up and spoke of how proud he was of you, and seeing y'all embrace and hug each other and thank him for his comments. And one day you will bury your dad, and you can stand there and uh greet the parishers, the people that are gonna be coming through to pay their condolences and not have any regrets about your relationship with your dad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's gonna be really cool one day. You know, and and to be real with you with everybody, like we still have our stuff. But everybody does, right? I mean, a couple weeks ago we kind of got into it. But you know, honestly, where that would have just set and boiled inside of me for weeks on. Now it's done. It's over.

SPEAKER_00:

Now you're able to deal with it and move on. Right.

SPEAKER_01:

It is, right? And like it takes two. It's not just him, it's like it takes both of us, and we both stuff up.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you're human. You're all gonna make mistakes, and he's gonna say bone-headed things, and you're gonna say stupid things, and you're gonna work through it, but you've got the relationship now where you can have that discussion and get over it and move on. Hey, looking forward, so Brett Barnhart, going forward, right, these next 10 years, 12 years, uh, you've had consistent growth, you've had accountability. Like, what's next for you? How do you see coaching continuing to help shape your future, your business as a husband, you know, as a man of faith, as a dad? Like, what do you see coming for you in those areas of your life?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, you know, the things I I don't know what I don't know, but I know I want to continue business. I know I want to keep pushing. I I talk about never retiring and took a month off, huge deal. Set a one-year goal to take a month off last year and did it to see if the business would run without me. My wife told me I can never retire. So I guess that's off the plate because she don't want me home because I'll drive her insane. So we'll see. But uh, you know, uh where my kids are at, I'm gonna need help. High school's probably gonna be very, very challenging. They're gonna grow up, they're gonna have husbands, they're gonna have wives, they're gonna have kids. I'm probably gonna disagree with how they do a lot of things in life. And honestly, I think you and I are gonna have a lot of conversations about how to deal with those things. Uh, I feel sorry for who my little girl brings home. Probably gonna have a lot of conversations around that.

SPEAKER_00:

You got a beautiful little girl, and uh, you need a big baseball bat and a shotgun. So you're gonna need that.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. I recently, even in our last call, you brought up the fact of uh, you know, so many people you know at the age where you're at have worked their whole life, finally retire and deal with some health issues. And honestly, you're already shining the light down the hallway for me to really assess my situation and not make that same decision. Right. So in life today, what am I thinking through? I'm thinking through, and you may not even know this. And and sometimes we'll get on the call and we'll be talking about your stuff, and you're like, Well, this is your time, not my time. And what you don't realize is you sharing just life with me and what you're dealing with is shining the light down that hallway that I'm gonna have to walk through in 20 years. That's a good point. So, even in those conversations and and and walking through what you're walking through, so for me, thinking through, okay, well, what does that look like? Am I just gonna work till I'm 70 or 80 and then get sick and and have all this money and have all these businesses and then get sick? I I know a guy recently just sold a business, did I mean incredibly well three months later, died cancer. Didn't even get to experience what he built. Right. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're getting you you're enjoying the journey, though. That's what's so cool about watching you in Crystal is you're being very intentional and you're taking the time. You said you took a month off completely unplugged from everything and went away. You came back and your business was just as good, uh, made plenty of sales, and they're very competent and capable because you've put the right people in the place to do it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, I guess to just overall answer that is to really think forward over the next 10 years. I mean, you asked me in the last call, what it what does the next couple of years look like? We're doing some different things, some different business deals, trying to some other business. Yeah. Yeah. It's fun. So even and then even pushing me to say, well, is that in the vision? Like, have we written that down? Real estate, what does that look like? How are we gonna hit that? When are we gonna hit that? Like pushing me to that next thing and and consistently pushing me out of that comfort zone, right? We hit that upper limit challenge.

SPEAKER_00:

It's been so awesome, man, these dozen years. I want to publicly thank you for allowing me this privilege of being your mentor. Uh, you're a fine young man. You've done a great job. You got many great years ahead of you. You and Crystal are an amazing couple. You got two of the sweetest kids on the planet. Really enjoyed talking to them each week as well. And you're just a great guy. It's been really fun. And what I really love about Brett's story is that it proves growth doesn't happen by accident. It happens with intentionality, it happens with consistency, and it happens with accountability. Twelve years of showing up every single week, investing in himself and in his future, has provided these great dividends that are happening as a result of this effort. And here's the takeaway for you: if you don't have to do life or business alone, get somebody that can help you. Success isn't just measured by profit margins, it's measured by the kind of man you're becoming, the family you're leading, and the legacy that you're building. So if you want to reflect on this conversation, ask yourself, what margin do I need to create growth? Where do I need accountability in my life? And who do I need to invite into my life to help me to get where I want to go? Brett, thank you for being here for this episode. I've really enjoyed it. And I look forward to seeing you other guys in the ISI Brotherhood community because we believe here that isolation is the enemy to excellence. And if you want to go further, you've got to go in community. I'll see you guys next week.